Simp-Simply


First day of the Fall season – 2009. Rush hour in NY city subway. VM somehow manages to leave his close friend Mr.Laziness in train, who was fast asleep. They have been friends since childhood but only came to know each other so well during the summer of ’09. Their friendship grew to such a point where people started getting confused as to who was who. Occasionally once can see VM being addressed to as “Lazy Bugger”. Leaving his friend behind, VM runs for his life trying to catch a cab with only delusion that NYC cabs are faster than Subways not for reaching office on time but to make it Starbucks coffee store. He believes that anyways he ends up paying for both, but atleast he gets some entertainment from NYC cab drivers!

In a never-malkoling (Never Sleeps) city full of harkoling people it very hard to find an empty cab. You can find more single people but you can’t travel single in a cab.  Surprisingly he finds “Laal Krishna Bald-wani” sharing the same cab. As curiosity shoots up like Madras summer heat, conversation begins between both.

For technical purposes we will be referring to Laal Krishna Bald-wani as “LKB” and Mr.Tarle as “VM

VM: Sirji, am surprised to see you here. Few days back Hittala-Keri Times (Previously listed as New York Times until taken over by a Gujju ABCD) wrote about you saying you were dead?

LKB: Mein .. (long pause) apne deshpe jab bachcha tha…

VM: (Interrupts) Sirji, You are loosing focus on the question like Poli-tricks. And please answer in English. (for which LKB agrees)

LKB: Yes, I was dead for few hours. I was on a Presidential Election tour to heaven.

VM: You went to heaven?!! You are not planting cauli-flower on my ear, are you?

LKB: That’s the problem with your generation. You don’t believe anything and do not trust what elders say! Hey Ram! Now listen. I had a massive cardiac arrest. I see hands of Pakistan in this.

VM: (Interrupts again) Sirji, you are loosing focus again!

LKB: When I died, I was taken to a room and asked to complete a form. When asked why, I was told due to increasing number of people to hell & heaven immigration laws were imposed. Also Mr.Yama-ha, President & CEO of Hell Supporting Services was asked to step down due to recession. Now the whole process of after life is automated. Technical Support is being carried out from Bihar. After I completed the form, I was provided with a number (something like an SSN – Sudugaadu Security Number) That is the identity and all your information is related to this number. Like before you cannot choose if you want heaven or hell. It depends on which Visa you are applying for.

VM: Did you mean, Visa to go to hell/heaven? Now you are sounding crazy to me!

LKB: (Continues) Since this year quota for H1 (Heaven-1) was over I applied for L1 (Little Heaven-1) When they processed my information, Naraka-Land Security denied my entry into heaven.  So I applied for Dream-Card and the application is in process. I am not sure if I get that because, the waiting time for processing is 7 years. It also states that you should not move out of current status during processing. Finally after 3 hours of interview with Mr.Chitragupta (A Gujju settled there apparently) I was issued B1 (Bald-1) visa with “Single Entry” to heaven and “Multiple Entry” to hell.

VM: Wow! That sounds interesting! Who are were there along with you in that room when you were filling the form?

LKB: Laloo was applying for Hell’s Citizenship, Maya was there trying to get approval for her statue to be placed in Madam Tussuad Museum, Rakhi Saaku-ant for a program, Himmesh Radio-Meyya, Ram Gopal-Karma and many more.

VM was stunned with the conversation he had. This was his best NYC cab travel ever! Suddenly the can stopped. It was time for him to get a coffee. So before leaving the cab he turns towards LKB and asks him a last question.

VM: All these you told me, are they real? How should I believe it? I read you were dead few days back and you seems to normal.

For which LKB turns towards VM and says “I see living people all the time”  Without a second thought VM just leaves the cab and walks towards his coffee store only to realize that anything can happen only in NY City.

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3 thoughts on “Simp-Simply

  1. Nice burde biding ….after a long hiatus. Guess the never-malkoling city …has made you busy like all other working Americans. Dude they just don’t have a personal life …or atleast its too damn minimal.

  2. yappa, burde bido compitition anta idre…nimge first prize baralla…. nim hesralli prize kodoke shuru madtare 🙂

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